is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
