saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
