seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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