the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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