DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
