i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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