another moral hangover. fuck.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
