I'm lost and stupid without you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
