It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
