I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize