part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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