So drunk its hurt
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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