Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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