dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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