I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
