well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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