Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
