worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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