i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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