boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
