Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
