my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
