how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
