I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
