I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
