I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
