I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
