i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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