She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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