wakey wakey hands off snakey
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
