just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
