3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
