I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
should my penis look like a turkey
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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