3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
