Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
