Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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