I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
