Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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