umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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