Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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