i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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