My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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