ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We left the knife in your bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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