just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
