Don't you send me to vm
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize