margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
