her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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