Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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