So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
