someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
