I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
