if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
