life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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