"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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