I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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