What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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