Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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(904): View more from Florida

at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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(214): View more from Texas

More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings

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(303): View more from Colorado

Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier

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(925): View more from California

Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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(714): View more from California

I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?

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(801): View more from Utah

I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...

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