that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
