So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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