just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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