fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As shirtless as possible
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
