Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
