Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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