Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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