I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
