Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
